alright, i wrote this some time ago and i talk about Joshua all the time so i'd just like to post it. :] so here it is. :]]
It’s almost two years since you’ve
been born and I’ve been a little more than busy.
You’ve already lived with Grandma
and Grandpa Colburn. With mommy and daddy in our studio apartment in Cedar and
then with just mommy at that apartment after daddy left for basic training.
Then you lived with Grandma Bailey and all of your uncles and your aunt Cassie.
And now little man you are living in Florida. It’s the furthest that mommy has
ever lived away from Michigan as well.
But I’ve been going through memory
boxes and journals that I tried to keep while I was pregnant with you and
realized I didn’t have this very special story documented anywhere and I want
you to have it. So, while you’re sleeping the night away I’ve visited my memory
lane and cried a little bit as I wrote this for you.
I hope that one day you’ll realize
how special this is. J
I love you my perfect little man. <3
Love always,
Mommy
On August 2nd I had my
last appointment with Dr. Grey. This was your due date, but I guess you didn’t
get the memo. I was still only dilated to 1 and you were very comfortable with
no sign of coming soon.
After checking to see how far I was
dilated Dr. Grey told me that if you weren’t out by the 10th she’d
get you out. The only reason I remember 10 is because that number, in this
situation, scare the hell out of me. She wanted to leave you inside me for
another 8 days…count them 1, 2, 3, 4…EIGHT more very LONG DAYS! I couldn’t do
it…
I’m not exactly sure what happened
next or why Dr. Grey ordered the ultrasound, but I was very grateful. Seeing
you in my belly, your perfect face and fingers and toes made waiting for you
that much easier. I wasn’t so scared anymore. I knew you were safe when you
were inside me. A lot of people told me that once I had you the protective
instinct would kick in but I guess mine was in overdrive. They also told me
that giving birth was like letting part or your being walk around outside of
you and I have to say that’s exactly what it’s like and I think I knew that in
some way before I had you. I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility, or I
didn’t think I was.
The tech for the day, Paige,
measured you and gave us the lucky numbers with all her training and equipment
she told us that you would weigh somewhere in the ball park of 8lbs7oz. Later
we would find that these numbers are not always right. :/
You’re daddy and I knew you would be
big but we had no idea you would be that big. On our way home from the
appointment we went shopping to buy you an outfit to come home from the
hospital in. Because you were born in one of the hottest Augusts Michigan has
ever seen we decided on a really cute blue jump suit. Then after shopping we
went back home, to Grandma Bailey’s house, so that I could soak my feet and try
to get some of the swelling to go down.
I
guess the estimated weight that Paige gave us concerned Dr. Grey. It was later
that night that I got a call from her office.
“Marisa,
Dr. Grey would like to start inducing you on the 4th, if that’s
possible.” I was overwhelmed with emotions. For months I’d been trying to talk
you into coming out early but with the time at hand…the thought of you scared
me. I wanted so badly to hold you but then again, life wasn’t easy and it
showed no signs of being so.
“That
is very possible.” The only answer I had to give to the woman on the other end
of the phone line.
The
details are a blur and the paper I wrote everything down on is long gone by now,
though I tried to save everything.
I
remember that I had to be at the hospital at 6pm to fill out paper work and my nurse’s
name was supposed to be Michelle, I have no idea why I remember her name. lol.
Anyway,
you threw a few wrenches in your daddy’s schedule but he worked everything
around you.
The
3rd went by very slow. I had finished packing and was ready to go. I
spent that day with your aunt Cassie. Your grandma had to work and your uncles
were off doing whatever it is that boys do outside on a summer day.
I
thought for sure that this would be the day. Your Great Grandma Wellman had a
surprise birthday party on the 6th that I so wanted to take you to.
So we had to wait until 6pm to be at
the hospital so daddy and I spent the whole day together. We went and picked up
a few things for you and finished his packing for our time at the hospital. It
was really great to have that afternoon to spend with him, knowing that we
wouldn’t have much alone time once you arrived. J
We had to go back to Grandma
Bailey’s house to get our bags before we could leave for the hospital. And when
we got to the house, everyone wanted pictures. My last pictures of you in my
belly I look pissed because at the time I didn’t want anything to do with your
Grandma and she was in my face yet again.
Daddy and I left as soon as we got
the chance. Once we were on the road with all of our things we realized that we
left for the hospital much too early. We had time to stop and have dinner and
chose Taco Bell in Cedar Springs. I didn’t know it then but this would be the
last thing I’d eat until the afternoon of the 6th.
Just as daddy and I were leaving
Taco Bell Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee pulled into the drive through a saw us, it
seemed they had the same idea about dinner before heading to the hospital to
wait your arrival. We waited with them while they ate their dinner.
Just
shortly after Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee showed up Grandma Bailey, Uncle Alex,
Uncle Stephen, and I think Uncle Johnny all pulled up to us. They had spotted
us on their way to the high way. Everyone was headed for Grandpa Bailey’s house
to wait for you to come; he lived only 2 miles from the hospital where you were
born.
So
Grandma got a few more pictures and then they headed to Grand Rapids (GR).
While Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee decided to wait for us and follow us to the
hospital.
I
called the hospital now to check in and make sure that everything was still on
schedule as they asked me to do. Things were so not on schedule. I was pushed
two hours back. We didn’t have anything to do or anywhere really to go. I
believe we went to Meijer’s and walked around for a while and looked at some
more really cute things for you. J
THEN
IT WAS FINALLY TIME!
We
headed for GR. A little too fast, we lost Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee twice and
they didn’t know where they were going. We were all laughing so hard by the
time we got the hospital that our bellies hurt. J
Your
Grandma Bailey met us at the hospital because…well I didn’t know how things
worked. I was only 17 when I had you and thus not a legal adult. I didn’t know
if I needed an adult signature or not. I found out that as your mother, I had
full say of what went on and my mother had no say. This pissed your Grandma off
bad. She stayed with us as we were taken to our room.
By
8:04pm I was in the delivery room that you would be born in and changed into
the gown and got settled on the bed. They hooked up monitors on my belly. The
pink was for contractions and the blue was for your heart. J
Already
Grandma and Aunt Cassie were fighting and the nurse had to ask them to either
leave the room or stop talking. Your Grandma left. She actually left the
hospital and texted me that she wasn’t coming back until you were born.
I
was too busy worrying about you and having fun talking to Aunt Cassie, Aunt
Bee, and your daddy to worry about Grandma’s drama. So we all decided to ignore
her for the night. The Dr. started meds to get the ball rolling and we began
the waiting game.
That
night Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee went back to Grandma Bailey’s house to sleep and
daddy and I were left alone. No real contractions started. I slept pretty
soundly that night. J
This
day was the longest of them all. I had very mild contractions in the morning
and took them in stride. By afternoon when Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee showed up
after their day at school the contractions were getting much worse. The ball
was definitely rolling.
More
times than I can count Aunt Cassie was crying with me. She didn’t like to see
me in pain and your daddy was so sweet always getting me ice chips and holding
my hand. I have to guess that it was around 6 or 7 that the Dr. came in and
broke my water. They had just checked me and found that I was 5 or 6cm dilated
and ready to push but my water still hadn’t broken. You were fully engaged and
ready to deliver but when the Doc broke my water you floated right back up. I
had to push for at least an hour to hour and a half before the doctor told me
to just wait you out and let you fall back into place.
Now
the contractions were horrible! I was passing out between contractions and not
even opening my eyes for them anymore. You dad woke me up to ask if I wanted
any meds and I told him no three times. At around 9 or 10pm I finally asked for
an epidural and cried when I did. I tried so hard to have a natural child birth
but I couldn’t do it.
After
I received the epidural I fell asleep as did Aunt Cassie, Aunt Bee and Daddy.
Everyone claims that the nurse that got things ready for your delivery was very
loud but I honestly didn’t hear a thing. J
At
3:30am on August 6th the Dr.’s and nurses decided it was time for me
to push you out. J
Your daddy hadn’t slept well the last two nights and wasn’t sleeping well that
night either and was very hard to wake up. I tried to be nice, because I wanted
him to be in a good mood to help me. But he wasn’t hearing me so a really
bitchy nurse, the one that held my left foot, yelled at him to wake him up. :/
At
this point Aunt Cassie and Aunt Bee each gave me a kiss and went to stand in
the hall with your Grandma and Grandpa Bailey and three uncles. Your Daddy and
I decided while making my birth plan that we wanted to be the only two people
in the room when you were born, minus doctors of course. And we also took the
first hour after you were born to enjoy you just as our little family. This
caused a LOT of problems with my family. :/ ugh.
So
I started the very real, painful, and horrible experience of giving birth to
you.
I
had been pushing for about an hour when the Dr. asked me if I’d rather have a
C-section. If I wasn’t so tired I’m sure I would have been pissed about this
suggestion, I mean after all I’d been through she just wanted to cut me open.
Oh no! But I wasn’t really awake at this point. I was very tired and just ready
to have you already. “No, I’ve made it this far, let’s just finish it.” Little
did I know that the Dr. asking me this was her way of telling me that you were
too big for me to deliver on my own.
After
making the uneducated choice to deliver you vaginally the Dr.’s then assisted
with a ‘vacuum’ on the top of your head to help pull you out as I pushed. I was
very proud of myself during your birth, I screamed two times. Once when your
head was delivered and once again when your shoulders came out. Joshua, I ended
up with twenty some, very painful, stitches because of you. J
Oh,
I almost forgot to tell you, your dad almost puked on me while all of this was
going on. J
I’m not sure what time this was…I know you were crowning, ready to come out
when your Dad says, “I have to use the bathroom.” The doctor and I both looked
at him like he was crazy. I asked him, “Can’t you wait?” and he started to cry.
The doctor flat told him he’d have to hold it. He went on to quickly explain
that he was going to be sick. At that moment he was instructed to sit in the
chair across the room and put his head between his knees. He watched you being
born from across the room, but gained the strength back in his legs enough to
come back over and cute the cord. J
Anyway,
once you were born…your Daddy still looked a little green. J
But he was so proud of you. He just glowed as he watched the nurse whip you off
and put your first diaper on. She raped you up and handed you to your daddy. J
He turned to look at me with the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face and
tears falling down his cheeks. He walked over to me so I could see you and I
kissed you. He was instructed to go sit down with you so that he didn’t fall or
get in the way of the clean-up.
After
I was all cleaned up and the Dr.’s all left I nursed you for the first time,
with a little help from the nurse that stayed. J Your Daddy and I
spent the next hour with you, just us, as we wanted to.
While
daddy and I had you to ourselves we had a nurse tell your grandparents and aunt
and uncles to wait outside until we switched rooms. They did wait. They left
the hospital, Joshua, and Grandma and Aunt Cassie would be the only two from my
family to come and see you.
But
we weren’t concerned with that just then. We were too busy falling in love with
our sweet 9lbs7oz, 21¼ in long baby boy that was born at 6:48am on August 6th.
<3
The Stay at the
Hospital was LONG!
There
was a lot of fighting just after you were born. Daddy and I tried to ignore it
and just be happy to have you but it got way too hard.
Your
Grandpa Bailey and Uncles never came to see you in the hospital. I never got
the chance to call anyone really to announce that you were born because my
mother was taking up so much of my time.
Grandma
and Aunt Cassie were the only two people from my family to come and see you
while you were in the hospital. And Grandma left mad. She later kicked me, us,
out of the house, told me that I needed to find a new place to stay because I
wasn’t welcomed there.
On a happy note…
·
Mike and Teresa Botma came to see you. J
They brought us a mini basketball hoop so we could play while you slept; it was
mostly for your Daddy so he didn’t get bored. J They also took your
Daddy out for dinner at…some really nice place, I don’t remember the name. But
Daddy brought me back some really good cheese cake. J
I might add that you had your first dirty diaper while your Daddy was gone so
Mommy had to change you. :P
·
The Pastor of Pierson Bible Church,
Pastor Thomas Sluys, came and blessed you. He wasn’t our favorite person but we
were happy that he decided to come and see you anyway. :P
·
Aunt Bee was there almost every night we
were there. J
She was there when I got the text message from your Grandma about me not being
able to live there anymore. We almost moved in with Aunt Bee. :/
·
Grandma and Grandpa Colburn and Aunt
Tabbi came to see you. J
Aunt Naomi and Aunt Lydia would have but they were still in PA with Great
Granddad and Grandma Colburn.
That’s it. :/ sad
right? I know.
Oh
yes, and you spent two nights in the nursery. :/ not because I wanted you to
but because you had to be under a Billie light for your jaundice. Your jaundice
was the normal jaundice though; you got it because of the bruise the vacuum
left on the top of your head. The bruise was breaking down faster than your
body could process the blood and other particles, giving you jaundice. I have
to admit when I first saw you in that bed, under the light, with that little
mask over your eyes, I cried. I can’t explain why I did but it broke my heart
to see you there. I also have to tell you that I didn’t sleep at all those two
nights you were in the nursery. I hated you being away from me. I was in the
nursery every two hours to feed you and hold you. You’re daddy got up with me
once to come and see you in the night, after that he was out and wasn’t waking
up. J
Funny
story…in the bed next to you while you were in the nursery was a baby that was
born a month premature, this isn’t the funny part. This baby weighed 4lbs2oz
and was only 17in long. Yup you were a darn two year old compared to that new
born. J
Anyway,
after our week long stay in the hospital daddy and I were very excited to be
leaving. Although it took us an extra hour to get home, I’ve never seen your daddy
drive so carefully. J
We made it back to my mother’s house to pick up a few of my things and what we
had for you. And headed to Grandma and Grandpa Colburn’s house were we lived
with Daddy until October. J
We
love you Joshua David…and always will. <3
