love and other drugs...

i love this movie. :]

so i watched this movie this morning. all by myself as Ben is at school and Joshua is still asleep. i have to admit, i cried. it's so sad. i can't imagine watching someone i love be so sick. but i laughed too. the way they make it through is so...i don't know, almost real. i mean it can't all be real because Anne Hathaway isn't really sick and Jake Gyllenhaal isn't really in love with her. but in all other ideas of the movie the feelings seem as though they could be real.

i sit here thinking now...

would i ever be able to let Ben take care of me the way that Jamie will have to take care of Maggie for the rest of her life? would he be willing to love me that much? it's hard to tell and i guess i wont know until that time comes. (praying that it never will)

but what if he does love me enough to take care of me...what if he does decide that i'm worth the money and the effort and the time...will i be able to let him? will i fight for my freedom even though there's nothing i would be able to do with it at that point?

what if he decides that he doesn't love me that much? that he can't be with a sick woman or like the man at the convention that Maggie goes too, the one that loves his wife but if he had the choice to do it again he'd write a nice letter and walk away. if Ben can't handle me being sick...should he have me right now?

if everyone thought like this there would be no love. it's perfectly clear that you have to roll with the punches but what if the punches hurt you or slowly break you down.

but if some day i need that love i'm going to lean on Ben...i'm going to put my faith and trust in his hands and pray that we can both come out on top.

and if worse comes to worse...i'll be here when he gets sick and needs me the most. i will always be here for him and i have perfect faith that he is the man that will always be here for me.

anyway...:] i love this movie and definitely recommend for others to watch. :] it's a good conversation starter too. i plan to watch it again tonight with Ben and see what we find out...

if in fact we are truly in love.........